Listen to “Renunciation, Texas”
read by Casey Thayer
I’ll go without mentioning Texas, a state erased, vaguely heart-shaped & too big to fail. In my mind, it swallows you in red clay dust that sashays the fenders of the Ford you pulled suitcases & a dog kennel from, finally arriving with just the useless stub of a bus ticket burned up at the edge of Oklahoma. I’ll write your name a final time. Farewell strip mall liquor stores we hoarded for whiskey. Farewell empty beer cans rattling with the butts of Camels, soft packs you crushed under the heel of a resoled boot. I loved you for nothing but the set of wings scrawled across your back. You, who perfected quick fingers dealing blackjack at the reservation & washing dishes in the kitchen. You, who once skewered a scorpion with a tire iron on a highway outside of Reno & said it’s sad for life to be fragmented like this. If only I could store happiness for the day you hang your Levis on another woman’s footboard in a state so large we can’t spit across it. If only I could kick my habit for ranch homes & family photos. Forget him. Keep your skin once-bitten, a map that’s missing Texas.