"The Man Who Hated the Moon" by Chris Ankney
“Finally,” he said through the foil. “Finally, my life will be perfect. I will no longer be a slave to your illumination!” He yelled as he pointed one foil-wrapped finger into the sky. Again he clapped his hands together and laughed before he fired the laser.
A bright green beam as wide as a small tree trunk came jetting out from the tip of the machine. It soared off into the sky determined to do its duty. The beam traveled fast, and before Herman could remove his finger from the trigger button, it was out of the atmosphere.
Herman waited on the blacktop, shielding his eyes from the vision corrupting light. Ten minutes after the green glow erupted from the machine, it shut off. Herman looked towards the sky and saw the tail of the light shoot off into space. Five seconds later, the sky lit up bright pink and a wind burst forth greater than any the world had ever known. The explosion was so massive that the ground shook beneath him and the machine rolled. In the bright pink sky, a ring of blue shot overhead, and the moon blew apart. Thousands of pieces were strewn about before the pink disappeared and the sky fell black - blacker than it’s ever been before.
The silver glow of what was once the moon was no more. Herman laughed and danced as he tore off his aluminum foil suit. He stood in his underpants, filled with joy, and sighed with great relief. “That’s one small step for man...one giant leap for my life,” he said, as, for the first time, he looked up at the night sky, perfect in its moonless state.
*****
Having been out late enjoying his new freedom, Herman didn’t awake until two o’clock in the afternoon. He walked into the living room after making his bed and stopped when he heard the television. “Pieces of what is left of the moon are still crashing to earth after this morning’s explosion. Authorities still don’t know why or how the moon erupted, but they claim to have several tips. Thousands of people all around the world have reported balance problems due to the tremendous rattling associated with the moon blast. Experts estimate the shaking was greater than that of ten simultaneous 8-point Richter scale earthquakes. It is the largest event to occur in recorded history. Hundreds of people have also reportedly been killed by the falling debris. That is all we have at this time, but we will keep you updated on this bizarre story. For channel eight news, this is Connie Key.”
Herman walked to the kitchen, got a glass of water, and walked outside to see if the moon storm was still happening.
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